Who decides what is good?

The stolen camera in Italy is still fresh in my mind. After the theft, several people advised us to smash a window of Globus 2 ourselves so that the insurance would pay out. We didn't do it. Still, it got me thinking: how easy is it really to justify something to yourself?

A story in which we are right.

The uncomfortable thing about people is that virtually everyone who hurts or harms another has a reason for doing so. Even someone who does something we abhor usually does not see themselves as the villain in their own story. We can reject someone's choices and set boundaries on their behavior. At the same time, it is good to ask ourselves how certain we are that by doing so, we automatically know the other person's entire story.

The temptation of a justification

During the theft of our camera, too, I noticed how easy it is to construct a narrative in which your own actions suddenly seem justified. We had suffered damage, someone else had wronged us, and after all, insurance was there to cover these kinds of situations. The step of smashing a window yourself and reporting the damage might well be very tempting. It seems almost logical, and the line feels thin. Yet, we knew that by doing so, we would be doing something unfair. After all, a good reason does not automatically make a wrong choice the right one. I previously wrote about the theft of our camera and the impact it had on us in the blog post *Stolen while we were simply at home *.

Steilneset monument in Vardø, Noorwegen

Back to the north

A year ago, we walked through the Steilneset monument in Vardø, in the far north of Norway. The monument commemorates the people who were persecuted and put to death here as witches in the seventeenth century. Many ended up at the stake because people were convinced that they represented evil. I wondered to myself how people could ever justify this to themselves. How could they believe that this was the right thing to do? The answer is simpler than we would like: because they believed they were doing the right thing.

The world of today

That is exactly what preoccupies me when I look at the world today. In the wars currently being fought, those in power on both sides are convinced that they are in the right. Both sides have their own story, their own truth, and their own reasons for doing what they do. Through politics and the media, we are often shown primarily the perspective of our own side, making it easy to rally behind our own rulers and become convinced of their righteousness. Meanwhile, people are being killed who probably did not ask for war at all. How is it possible that we hurt each other time and again, while both sides are convinced of their own righteousness?

A thought from a book

As I reread Neale Donald Walsch’s *The Third Conversation with God* , I was reminded once again of the monument in Norway. Of the camera that was stolen. Of the wars that are in the news daily. One thought from the book is that we often hurt each other because we feel hurt ourselves. We feel that someone who has hurt us deserves to experience pain themselves. We call that justice, while often there is primarily retribution behind it.

No one sees themselves as the villain in their own story.

The boundary between right and wrong

Who actually determines what is right and wrong? Our values change constantly. Individually and as a society. What was considered normal a few generations ago, we sometimes find reprehensible now. And what we take for granted today might be viewed with the same astonishment by future generations. It reminds me of my earlier blog *Humankind: A Hopeful History* , in which I wrote about trust, goodness, and the stories we tell each other about humanity. Understanding others begins with the realization that our own view of the world is also constantly changing. This does not mean that we cannot set boundaries or distinguish between right and wrong. It does mean, however, that it is wise to leave room for the possibility that we, too, do not know everything.

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Keep growing

Everything in life changes. We change. Our ideas change. Our society changes. That is precisely where the purpose of life lies. Growing means daring to make room for a new truth. It means being able to acknowledge that something we were certain of yesterday may feel different today. Not because we were wrong yesterday, but because we have gained new insights along the way.

Look at the other person again

That is why it helps me to be a little more careful with my judgment. Not to condone wrong behavior or to make boundaries disappear, but to realize that the other person, too, likely understands themselves through their own story. At the Steilneset monument, I wondered how people could ever believe that burning someone else was right. Now I wonder how often we ourselves are so convinced of our own rightness that we forget that our truth, too, can change. Therefore, remain curious. About the other person, about yourself, and about the possibility that tomorrow you will look at the world differently than you do today.

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